Recently Divorced Sibling Pillows

'Leave everything in our hands, we specialize in his fault divorces.'

At the Museum

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

Boy and Bear and Monster

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Child driving a toy car

"Isn't it an amazing co-incidence that this is an orange, and it IS ORANGE?"

Toy plane with pilot eject.

"First snowman?"

"It's an Eyesaur."

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

Children's Dreams on Christmas Eve

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

'Nope. I didn't see any dogfish.'

"You're never a superhero in your own backyard."

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"Send ME to bed early, will they?"

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

Childlike love

'I've been told before that I'm very mature for a three year old.'

"I really love school. There's only one problem. I think not having a college degree is holding me back."

"Better luck next time, kid."

'Oh, nothing, just babysitting the Lord of the Rings.'

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

"Viola player coming through!"