Recently Divorced Sibling Pillows

'Leave everything in our hands, we specialize in his fault divorces.'

At the Museum

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

Boy and Bear and Monster

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

Child driving a toy car

"Isn't it an amazing co-incidence that this is an orange, and it IS ORANGE?"

Toy plane with pilot eject.

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"You're never a superhero in your own backyard."

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

"It's an Eyesaur."

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

Children's Dreams on Christmas Eve

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

"First snowman?"

'Nope. I didn't see any dogfish.'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

Magnet School. A "magnet school"? Won't that mess up the computers?

"Send ME to bed early, will they?"

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

'I've been told before that I'm very mature for a three year old.'

Childlike love

"I really love school. There's only one problem. I think not having a college degree is holding me back."

'Oh, nothing, just babysitting the Lord of the Rings.'

"Better luck next time, kid."