Divorced Sibling Pillows

Just Divorced

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

At the Museum

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

Boy and Bear and Monster

"Isn't it an amazing co-incidence that this is an orange, and it IS ORANGE?"

Toy plane with pilot eject.

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

"It's an Eyesaur."

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

'Nope. I didn't see any dogfish.'

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"You're never a superhero in your own backyard."

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

"First snowman?"

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"Better luck next time, kid."

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

Childlike love

'Oh, nothing, just babysitting the Lord of the Rings.'