Recent Engagement Pillows

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

Couples' therapy

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'If that's a proposal, I accept!'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'Are we there yet, I love surprises.'

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'Sorry, but my car is a hybrid and I wouldn't accept anything less in a husband.'

'Oh my! He finally proposed!'

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

It is my mother's, she uses it as an anchor for our yacht.

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

Proposal

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

"I'd rather you'd said it with diamonds."

50,000 BC: The First Engagement Ring.

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"Don't you think we should wait to see the effects of the new tax code?"

'Don't try to sweet talk me, Eddie! You had your chance yesterday! We are through!'

Henceforth including, but expressly not limited to love and honor and cherish and ... These vows are light on romance, but they're iron-clad legally!