Recently Engaged Pillows

'You seem upset. Is it because I took down our wedding photo, and replaced it with a photo of a buck I got last week.'

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

'... And to think that I turned down, big Dave's marriage proposal!'

"It turns out I was only in love with his sporty body wash."

'Leonard married me when I was 21 but I really don't think he meant any harm.'

Romantic Pumpkin

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

Couples' therapy

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"...until death do you a favor."

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

Is that pancake ready yet?

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Lover's lance isn't the same as it used to be!'