Rebound Devotee Pillows

"An own-goal and a rebound penalty, huh!"

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Television Readers.

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

"Wait! Don't start the chase now: I need to stretch first!:

Gary turns 40.

Thomas Hardy

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

'But I do have fun, I have lots of fun. I have lots of fun making lots of money.'

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

Olympic Torch Training

"They'd sold out of #1's."

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

The only creation God was truly proud of was the Sabbath

One book... One book... One book...

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

A man with butterfly wings flies off away from his previous shell of a body.

"It's right about here that my socks fall down."

'After a hectic day of trading, some of our traders need to decompress.'

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

Gym. He claims he does that routine for an hour before starting his cardio workout. Do you believe him? It's a bit of a stretch!

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

At the park, 1979

'Stroke! ... Stroke! ... Stroke!'

'I'm having what he's having.'

Thriller of the Week

"Please tell me you recently lowered the floor."

Woman inspiring herself by chasing after a sign that says 'Size 2'.

Delivered Pretty Much To Your Door!

'Why didn't you wake me? You made me miss my coffee break!'

Steampunk

Dapper clown.

'Italian, Russian or Ranch?'

Rudy, Must you keep singing that song...' children in the morning...children in the evening...children at suppertime?