Realtor Humorist Gifts

'Considering this is a floating mass of accumulated pond scum, I'd say you're gettin' one heck of a deal.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"Efficiency tombs available"

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

'Is the fire included?'

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

Real estate.

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

'With my new promotion, I can move us into a bigger shoe.'

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."