Reality Theorist Pillows

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

University of Hard Knocks

"I can be perfect for only one hour a day."

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

"I've been living vicariously through a really boring person."

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

Astronomers argue theories of the Universe.

Viewer Discretion - Stupid Program.

'From what I've been hearing about it, I'm not sure I want a grip on reality.'

"You can be anything!". . . "Take whatever you can get."

'No fortune cookies please - I don't want to get my hopes up.'

"I just don't get these reality shows!"

'The following program was made possible by canceling an even WORSE program.'