Reality Critic Pillows

'You're going to put me in touch with reality? But I hate reality shows!'

"I've been living vicariously through a really boring person."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Trump Poutine

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

'Bloody streakers - they have a lot to learn.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Can't Touch This

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

"Political cartoons that make people think? Are you crazy? We don't want to distract our readers from the weather forecast, the horoscope and the advertisements!"

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

'No, I've never been in a TV reality show. My reality is pretty well scripted by my wife, kids and boss.'

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

A TV tank

Tonight, on the microwave channel... chicken pot pie!

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"