Real Life Stories Pillows

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"Feel free to take notes."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Silence of the Chickens...

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"We need to stop sharing one set of clothes."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

"You're ruining our reputation, Bob!"

Scary stuff

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Had more ghost-hunters 'round my place last night....scared the daylights outta me!"

Moby Dick

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

Robinson Crusoe's blog.

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

Life and Death

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."