Workplace Stories Pillows

"Oh, God. Did we?"

This cologne reminds my husband of our first kiss, years ago in the old copy room. It's eau de mimeograph.

"Mr. Rod says I make too many mistakes on the job and I need to plan to make fewer of them."

"Congratulations, Willis. You're being promoted to partially treated sewage."

'The suicide pact shows I can work with a group.'

'Miss Walker, bring a new pair of underpants right this minute!'

'My boss took a pre-emtive strike... he fired me!'

"This is the worst job in the whole, entire world! You know, I can't see how anybody would ever want this job."

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"I understand that you've been demanding more vacation time. . . so we've decided to let you have the rest of your life off."

"I'm tired for working for peanuts. . . !"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'What's wrong now?'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

"He was orphaned at an early age and raised by two giant moths."

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

Torn-Off Mouse.

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."