Real Estate-savvy Sibling Gifts

"When I bought, they called it a fixer-upper. After ten years and $175,000 worth of renovations, it's now called a tear-down."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

Mac OS 20

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

A. Lincoln, President. The "of the people, by the people, for the people" part is great, Abe, but the "people who need people" section may be overkill.

"Of course I have a little weekend shell in the country..."

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

Mouse real estate!

"An overload -- even this is beginning to look like Kitsch."

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

"I synchronized the complete household with the computer and the smartphone. Now I don't have to feel lonely when nobody is at home because I can talk to the loo."

Olympics create interest in curling.

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

To his dismay, Captain Kirk stumbles upon a Vulcan handsign-to-English translation website,

'Every time a phone dies, he buries it.'

Don't worry dear, he only bites untrustworthy morgage brokers!

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"I never read Mein Kampf. My dad read it to me. I liked when he did the voices."

"No sense of smell, ears plugged and eyes fixed on their phones. I'm telling you, if I weren't domesticated I'd be all over that."

'Morning coffee? Now there's an app for everything.'

Scraper Biking, Manhattan, Spring, '95

Had a Moonlight Madness Sale During an Eclipse.

"My phone won't fold but the manufacturer did."

'Take it from someone with experience. . . you can't go throwing tantrums until you've at least tossed a few.'

"No arms deliveries!" "Arms deliveries!" "No arms deliveries!" "Arms deliveries!"

Sick Exhibitionist

'The guy at the door wants to know if we've all been saved?'

'Don't be alarmed at closing when you sign you name so many times you don't recognize your own signature.'

"Actually, living well on his money is the best revenge."

'I was afraid of this -- the evolution protocols are just confusing them.'

Bad Parent Computers.