Real Estate Investor Humorist Pillows

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

The Contrarian funds

Investments.

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

Sale - All Junk Bonds 50% Off.

"I've downsized."

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"Efficiency tombs available"

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

The New Square Mile Regulator.

We live in turbulent times. Therefore I'm keeping you in turbulent stocks

'Is the fire included?'

Large cap funds

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

'Eddie, politicians everywhere are kicking cans down the road, so maybe it's time to get in on the boom in tin.'

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."