Real Estate Extraordinaire T-Shirts

"Wow—the house I was using as a hideout has tripled in value since I was arrested."

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"So, what did you do at charter school today?"

Sales chart is buildings in background.

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

The Tightrope Balancing Act of Home Ownership and Interest Rates.

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Ice Cream And Summer Rentals

A corner market is taken over by suburban sprawl.

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'