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Beating the Averages Mutual Funds Estate.

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'You always bring me the same thing every year, toys games sports equipment. I never get what I really want!' - 'What's that?' - 'Real estate!'

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

For sale. Prime space under Jimmy's bed.

'He's going to be an estate agent, just like his Dad.'

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

'The roof needs icing.'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

"Look, son, real estate."

'Yeah, strictly speaking it's a hole, but I prefer to think of it as a bijou hole.'

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

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'Do you have any properties with a termite infestation?'

Contest of wills.

"Great for worship then! Great for retail now!"

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'Is the fire included?'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

"I want to live in a neighborhood where I can walk around at night."

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

Home Sweet Second Home.