Real Estate Cynics Pillows

Hooray, Sid - civilisation at last!'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'One might say the market's gone from the sub-prime to the iniquitous!'

This is our proposal for your new housing development. We've chosen to call it The Meadows.

Affordable housing

'Look, they're slowing down.'

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

"Those days of being able to sell any old c**p have long gone!"

Couple in sunglasses begging with a sign that reads - 'Holiday Homeless - Please help'.

'It's got all the original features.'

"We're going to use the 6.4 million pounds to purchase a terraced in a run down area of Huddersfield."

'We did have a house in your bracket, but we sold it in 1932.'

'We don't think of it as an investment but as a metaphor.'

"It's the artist's impression of our proposed new housing development."

Ceiling collapse 'Don't worry, that's just settlement.'

'Trust Me, I am an Estate Agent.'

Indian burial ground.

'Hardly worth blowing down.'

"Your mother is receiving top quality care and attention."

'In return for storing the nuclear waste, we get a big break on the mortgage.'

'And the 4th bedroom?'

Property Management (Scam) Company

Vulture

"That's the trouble with youth today. They expect to move into nice car right away."

"Well one step down from our 'Luxury Executive Mansion' is our 'crap terrace with outside loo'."

Bank Owned

Estate Agent trying to rip off client by charging three times the rent.

House for free - 'Too much'!