Housing Market Cynics Pillows

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"I've downsized."

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

'One might say the market's gone from the sub-prime to the iniquitous!'

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

Affordable housing

'Being afraid to buy a house doesn't make you homeophobic.'

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

Battery Farm Housing

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

'That's the Government for you every time.'

'Hi, this is Wilbur Gurkenman, your real estate agent! I've found a single room apartment I think you can afford...'

"We had something in your price range. . . but it was condemned!"

"Their entire friendship is based on regret over property they SHOULD have bought when it was affordable."

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

Housing bubble

'Here's a nice one, 'The Oaks', but where are the oaks?'

"Considering the rental market, this property offers a fantastic view, and they'll drop the restrictions."

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

Shoe for Rent

Snail Estate Agents