Reading Specialist Gifts

'Which way to the reading clinic?'

'About half the students increased speed and lost some comprehension. The other half increased comprehension but lost some speed.'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"But this book is just the alphabet all jumbled up..."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

Occu-Pie Mars

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

The Anti-Agent

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Let's not go by the book.'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"Staff support"

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Copycats

I should be a writer when I grow up...

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

James Bond in a Snow Globe

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?