Reading Online Articles Prints

NOW HIRING, 'I don't have any formal training for the position, but I've read all the relevant Wikipedia articles.'

Clickbait Dairy: What happens to this milk after 14 days will shock you.

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

Netanyahu versus Gantz

"I've seen a tulip before."

"Yes dear, I know lots of people have a second honeymoon. But we only got back from our first one last week."

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"Are those my slippers?!"

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Have you consider the possibility that I don't want the paper?"

'I won't be reading the paper online today, so you can take my computer back to my office.'

"God has chosen to ignore my prayers concerning the outcome of this year's election, and so I feel that I am once again free to be a very bad little boy."

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

News and Magazines. Record Debt. Dollar Down. How can the dollar be weak when we've been giving it such a good workout?

"Nothing is certain except death."

"Pavlov's Blog."

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

'Nothing's happened today-read it dead slowly.'

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

Farmer reads newspaper headline 'Drought Hits Midwest'; sees sand dunes and camel caravan through window.

"It took me a long time to teach him how to fetch a newspaper."

Today 5 -7. Meet the eAuthor.

Guess what else I found on Youtube, Randy? Evidence Vladimir Putin is an immortal. There are two photos of soldiers who look exactly like Putin, taken in 1941 and way back in 1920. Exactly like him. Could be they're related. The notion of genetics is a huge conspiracy by the immortals. I found that out on Youtube.

Election Cancelling Headphones

'Whales record their life events in their earwax.'

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

These remarks are completely off the record

We have the largest menu in town, complete with a personals and classified section.