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Clickbait Dairy: What happens to this milk after 14 days will shock you.

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

"I've seen a tulip before."

Netanyahu versus Gantz

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

"Yes dear, I know lots of people have a second honeymoon. But we only got back from our first one last week."

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

"Are those my slippers?!"

"Have you consider the possibility that I don't want the paper?"

'I won't be reading the paper online today, so you can take my computer back to my office.'

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"God has chosen to ignore my prayers concerning the outcome of this year's election, and so I feel that I am once again free to be a very bad little boy."

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

'Nothing's happened today-read it dead slowly.'

"Pavlov's Blog."

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

Farmer reads newspaper headline 'Drought Hits Midwest'; sees sand dunes and camel caravan through window.

"Social service teams are claiming that they can't recruit workers because of the vicious, biased reports we write about them!"

"It took me a long time to teach him how to fetch a newspaper."

'Whales record their life events in their earwax.'

'Reed oil aboot tit!'

We have the largest menu in town, complete with a personals and classified section.

"Papers late again, Murphy?"

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

These remarks are completely off the record

Election Cancelling Headphones