Rd Professional Gifts

'They want to close our lab. What's that all about?'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

Businesswoman Empowerment

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"My email is down... talk to me."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

Others will fight for you

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

21st century water cooler conversations.

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."