Rarity Appreciator T-Shirts

Common Dodo!

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

Mr Metrosexual.

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

"You've changed."

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

'Magnolia, Michaelangelo, the ceiling was meant to be magnolia!'

Two stressed drinking birds

Real Estate Personals

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"Don't you sometimes worry that if they do give us our stuff back we'll lose some of the sense of grievance that's so crucial to our cultural identity?"

Baby car seat for a Native American.

The Return of Tannhauser to Venusberg

A visit to a Victorian Painter.

"Good night, Al. We still haven't found it."

Nicholas recognises the young lady unknown

"The magic's still there, but the sex is terrible."

"Careful now. It's fragile."

'You can be replaced by Harry Potter, you know!'

"Who's idea was it to serve dressed-mutton?"

Modern Furniture/Sculptures Object to Old Fashioned Chair.

"I'll be grateful for the small things, and you can be grateful for the big things - that way, we'll have it covered."

'Abstract Expressionism? No, my son's bedroom!'

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

'To enable them to provide the service we require the procurement team have submitted a request for seven wands, a crystal ball and a time machine...'

On some of the paintings my right brain says they're good art, but my left brain says they're bad investments. On others, my right brain says they're bad art, but my left brain says they're good investments.

Michelangelo's David

'Plastic Surgery. Closed for alterations.'

Fly Mimes.