Ranking Reverence Gifts

From the Particular to the General.

Black Belt/Yellow Belt/Green Belt/No Belt.

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

"All rise."

'Would you feel less inferior if I made you a Colonel?'

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

Army Barracks

Sergeant Stripes

'This is really going to tarnish his legacy, Al.'

"Five minutes, General."

'According to this list, this list is ranked #4 on the greatest lists of all time.'

"That isn't allowed either."

'A role model? Yes, I suppose he was. Everywhere he went, people would say 'That's Bill Fenton... You don't want to be that guy!''

Rolling the red carpet before and after the important man

Soldier looking in the mirror and seeing a general.

'Actually your site isn't one in a million. According to Alexa, it's more like 1 in 2.5 million.'

Army Promotions Board. You need to select one of these contenders for promotion to lieutenant colonet. It's like being in college. I have to pick a major.

Welcome to Springdale...'We're number 10, 11, or maybe 12!'

I was going to make you a rich woman, but you're done. Fine with me. I don't care what percentage I'll get. I won't let you play with my reputation. I won't let you trade in fake scandal. Perfect. What? We got your anger on videotape. Your redemption is complete. You're back on the air. Even my head is spinning.

Man celebrates his Google ranking.

'I believe his website just moved up a place on Google.'

"Dismissed corporal. I outrank you."

I believed he started on the shop floor.

'That elusive fifth star...'

'Is that the picky eater website?'

'I've been very good this year. All I ask for is a little acknowledgement.'

"I can't imagine where I'd be today if it hadn't been for my high-school guidance counselor."

'...So then I said, 'Well, if Parliament won't pass a budget, we just might have to shut the government down.'

New! Stick-on Stigmata

There's a rumor we may be promoted to corporal.

The Golden Rule applies to both sides of the counter/desk.

'You may not share my beliefs, but you should respect them!' 'What shall I do? He believes he's God's gift to women.'