Railway Safety Pillows

"Excuse me driver, but your guard is stuck in the doors!"

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

A young Don King

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"What road do you want to dart across today?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Please Drove Carefully.

Man using to much bug spray

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

On the brink.

Touring Cyclist

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

Baby on board.

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"Excuse me, I think you'll find I've reserved that luggage rack space ..."

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

A trevor of trainspotters

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'