Raffle Rebel Pillows

'Could I interest you in some of my son's school raffle tickets?'

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"I gotta be me!"

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

A souped up car...

Hip-hop cops on stage.

Hell's Anglers

Fisherman has his dinghy punctured by a swordfish.

The New Square Mile Regulator.

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

'The bottom line: do we wait for the government to approve it as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as a furniture polish?'

Resume of Claude Brisketson Composer

"Ah, summertime! Robert Potts is sitting in for Jim Jensen, who is sitting in for Harry Reasoner, who is sitting in for Walter Cronkite, who is on vacation."

Man in bumper car sees traffic cop on bumper-car style motorcycle

"My dad was a prize-winning bull too: According to Mum, he won a raffle once at the local fair..."

'Hold on to this ticket. Immediately after armageddon, there'll be a drawing for door prizes!'

'Suddenly Jake was confronted by the dreaded raffler'

Good morning and welcome to National Public Radio, you bloated capitalist swine!

"I'm just saying you're not allowed to use your phone during class. You're not being de-platformed."

"I blame the regulators for giving predatory pricing a bad name."

'It's so ironic: I finally win a prize at a raffle and it has to be a free pedicure!'

"Nothing says 'Teacher Appreciation' like an administrator winning the raffle."

Federally Guidelined

"Guess who won the meat tray raffle?"

"You know... this would be as good a time as any to rotate the tyres."

"Sorry, lady, we gotta quit for the day. Our radio broke."

'I think it's for compliance with some Federal safety regulation.'

Rules and procedure

"How do you respond to critics who say you only play the backcourt?"