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'Honey... you did pay the pledge I phoned in, didn't you?'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

Non Thought For The Day.

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

Untold Love Stories. The Shadow and Pollyanna. It's no use, Lamont, you know what evil lurks in the hearts of men and I believe there's good in everybody.

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Sports Radio in Crisis

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

Larry King

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

Not-so-easy listening...

'I'm Bored'

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

'I think I've found what's causing the radio's funny buzzing sound.'

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? What's with that senseless riot in Baltimore? What do you mean? America has a long history of self-destructive riots in response to police brutality. It's senseless to call it senseless. A city is like a human body. If you feed a body an awful diet of abuse and unaccountable cops, that body's eventually going to have a massive coronary. In short: Learn your history! And eat oatmeal! Oat ... What? What are you talking about?

"No one knows his identity. He just turns up, cuts your grass, then departs without leaving his name. They call him the Lawn Ranger."

"Mmm... now WHERE did i leave my radio..?"

Books recommended by Oprah and Howard Stern.

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

As a doctor I can only tell you that the jury is still out as regards the benefits of cannabis in a medical context,however it is my personal opinion that this particular sample would make one bitchin spliff.

I think I may have a Jekyll-and-Hyde personality, Dr. Kapuchnik. I'd say you're more like Dr. Demento and Mr. Potato Head, Al.

Welcome to "The Ask Sadie Show," pre-Halloween edition. First caller is Zombie Eaton, from Schenectady. What's your problem?! Munch

"What is it with Garrison Keillor and rhubarb pie?"

Randi Rhodes

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry. What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance? Simple solution: send your mother to Japan where their entire culture reveres the elderly. Sayonara, grandma!!! Are you sure that's not a just a stereotype? Who cares?!

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

Feelings towards radios #2 Picket signs with pictures of radios on them

Ask Sadie is back. You're on, caller. What's your problem? My wife finally answered my emails. She wants me back. She says she's sorry she left me for her personal trainer. She said making mad, passionate love to him has become unfulfilling. She said she's tired of the excitement, tired of his fancy house, tired of the lavish trips around the world, and tired of him not snoring like a jackhammer, like I always do. Let go and move on, you ninny!!! She said she's especially tired of his ability to

"They're dumbing down the news now!"

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'