Racing Result Readers Gifts

'He's not asleep, he's taking a sly look at the racing results.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

What an afternoon. Rudy, listen to me. It didn't mean anything. You can't play Xbox 360 all afternoon with a guy and pretend it means nothing. I was drunk! You loved it - all of it. The racing and arcade games, the first-person shooters, but especially ... No ... WWF Wrestling Smackdown. I'm a married woman!

'We'll have you practising in a milk float in no time!'

F1 - Quit Smoking.

Horse five to win, unless they change the jockey.

"On your mark! Get set!"

Driver at Grand Prix shooting another driver with the cork from champagne

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

'The only New Year's resolution he's still got intact is not to watch the England cricket team in Australia on television.'

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

Grim reaper ambulance

'So, the egg WAS first.'

'Nothing's happened today-read it dead slowly.'

Cars at the drive in.

'Why did he cut the chicane - the giant spider isn't on the track, he's on our screen.'

I don't know why, but I never seem to win the close races.

Mountaineering section

Graduate

"He's new here."

"Come on, Lucky Lady!"

The UN Forest. . . after its latest 3000 page climate report is released.

Sore Loser

Bahrain F1

Rally Car with kangaroo attached to the front.

The future Mario Andretti about to be conceived

What have I told you about trying to live in the fast lane at your age?

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

Fiona Bruce

'Daddy didn't wave!'

'What's the odds on Cheltenham going ahead?'

Finish. What do you mean YOU won the Iditarod?!

Usain Bolt & Michael Phelps

Formula One Therapy

"Ok guys, very funny, joke's over. Now, what have you done with the car?"