Racetrack Manager Gifts

'Some people are betting all their savings on me... I can't handle the pressure anymore...'

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

A very young man being hired as a groom.

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'He says not to panic because horses have lots of blood...'

'I can't stand to see an animal in pain....'

"Something's trying to get through the Astroturf!"

Metropolitan Prize Puzzles.

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

"I preferred the name 'Merrylegs'."

"Me, I've quit racing. I was very good at it, but I just couldn't hack the early training sessions..."

'Don't worry about the condition of the pitch, I've got my best goat working on it.'

'Since our stadium was built with taxpayer support, I regret to inform you that all incentive and signing bonuses must be returned.'

'I don't set the rules, but you do need to accept that you're a pony and move on Brian!'

Panto Horse at the Races

"Boy, this is the life: For a bit of riding every day, we get fed, pampered and groomed..."

'Don't put any money on him. I saw him placing a bet on the favourite.'

Oat Cuisine in Horse's Nosebag

'At a glnace, I'd say you've got a dodgy starter.'

"It's not my fault that you forgot your hearing aid!"

'A puff of cloud! Quick, close our expensive new roof!'

'You can tell the age of a horse by the teeth...but who wants to bite a horse.'

'Knock if off, O'Reilly. You are herewith officially charged with bringing racing into disrepute.'

How's your job at the stables? -I'd better dash my work is piling up!

'I was betting you wouldn't show.'

'I guess it's an improvement over the previous 'do-nothing' policy.'

"I think I'll call the new foal Bill. . .He's due at the end of the month."

Confusion on the Railways

'Best let them know there's a couple of loose horses at the fourth!'

Using a runner to pull a tooth.

'Look at'em... They're HUGE.'

'My dad says school is a waste of time and that as long as I'm fast, I'll succeed...'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. VIII

'Meadow fescue, meadow grass and perennial ryegrass! This is going to be the best party ever!'

Clancy: Replay