Quota Quibbler T-Shirts

'I got one this small.'

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

Plant Parenthood...

"The economic modeling of our economic modeling suggests we need to remodel."

"I'm catching up on my inertia."

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

"You've got termites."

The Quantum Mechanic...

"These fish quotas are getting ridiculous."

"If Foucault's Pendulum is correct - 15 degrees per sidereal hour times the side of the latitude - then I'm an hour late for lunch."

The refinancing didn't come through -- I say we just walk away from the project.

"Sorry, but you're overqualified."

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'

"It's not just you. Neutrinos are going right through everybody."

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

'Actually I started out in quantum mechanics, but somewhere along the way I took a wrong turn.'

'If you don't mind, my sales manager wanted me to call him the second you took the hook.'

'Sir, our sales force has just taken Atlanta.'

Physicists at the Fourth Grotschlov Conference assembled to determine once and for all if light is a wave or a particle.

"Schrödinger's other cat"

Physicists' Convention: Quantum Leap.

"...and although the tortoise was severely speed-challenged, he achieved his sales quota through a strict goal-specific program."

'Where's the cheese?'

'It's O.K., he's on full commission.'

'Why don't you get Tommy to help you carry that?' 'He's inside there carrying the clothes.'

Sun Tzu takes on Heisenberg

"I don't care what you say when she leaves the cage door open there's a helluva draught"

'Every second, billions of neutrinos pass through our bodies...of course they'll take longer to pass through yours, dear.'

Cull anyone who says "at the end of the day" or "To cut a long story short" more than once in a conversation.

"Social media is becoming more and more complicated. How am I supposed to slip a political hate comment in a discussion about baking recipes??"

"As part of the bank's form reduction policy, you wont' have to fill out any additional forms. Your loan application has not been approved."

'Once and for all I want to know what I'm paying for. When the electric company tells me whether light is a wave or a particle, I'll write my check.'

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

'I've never met a salesperson I didn't like... except, of course, for you people.'