Quote Quibbler T-Shirts

"It says here 'No man is an island'. What about the Isle of Man?"

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"Out, damn'd Spot, out I say! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

"You've got termites."

'I got one this small.'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

Death Watch

'Don't be silly - I love you for your body AND your tiny little brain!'

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'

Physicists at the Fourth Grotschlov Conference assembled to determine once and for all if light is a wave or a particle.

'Where's the cheese?'

'Why don't you get Tommy to help you carry that?' 'He's inside there carrying the clothes.'

'Do you have any white with a hint of discount?'

"Social media is becoming more and more complicated. How am I supposed to slip a political hate comment in a discussion about baking recipes??"

Cull anyone who says "at the end of the day" or "To cut a long story short" more than once in a conversation.

"I don't care what you say when she leaves the cage door open there's a helluva draught"

'Being finicky has nothing to do with taste - it's about power and control.'

'Once and for all I want to know what I'm paying for. When the electric company tells me whether light is a wave or a particle, I'll write my check.'

"Just say what you have to say, Harwell, and get out."

"It's not that I don't fancy you, Brian, but if I have sex with you, I'll have to eat you, and there goes my diet!"

'My fault?! You're the one who said, 'Give him enough rope and he'll hang himself.''

"Pardon me...shouldn't I be ahead of you? My private plane plunged into the icy waters off the coast of Maine over a week ago!"

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Matter vs. Anti-Matter

"Everyone will be squamous for 15 minutes"

"As your advertising agency I recommend a cow as a mascot for you hockey team. Because cows do not have upper teeth."

Kleptomaniacs Anonymous: "The meetings CLOSE at ten o'clock. We don't have a KNOCKING OFF time.'