Quizzical Conversationalist T-Shirts

"It's not that I don't fancy you, Brian, but if I have sex with you, I'll have to eat you, and there goes my diet!"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Crow and fox

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

Jokes machine.

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

The Algonquin Round Table

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

"Hey, do you want to be in my bubble?"

Bat out of Hell