Curious Conversationist T-Shirts

"I'm curious what the "H' stands for?" (Man talking with Jesus)

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

Do Guns Kill?

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

Crow and fox

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

Jokes machine.

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

The Algonquin Round Table

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten