Quiz Show Comic Relief Pillows

Mastermind - "You've chosen rail ticket conditions 1998-99."

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

"Now our contestant will try to guess which of you is the very last individual of your species."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

The First Printed Bible

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

'Sleep on your face again, Phil?'

Tourist in the desert

Break Glass in Case of Stress

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

"Next riddle without looking it up, can you tell me which is the routing number and which is the account?"

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

Scarecrow chasing Igor with a brain

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'