Quitting Crusader Pillows

'I've tried Nicotine Patches, but they won't stay lit.'

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

"Global warming, income inequalities, protests and COVID-19. Get up and do something! Help out already, now!!!"

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

Two Players both holding the same cue.

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

Nervous Student

'Congratulations! And please give your parents this receipt for $148 thousand.'

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

I'd like to order a power outage. Huh? My wife's on her phone all day, my son plays video games nonstop. My boss finds me by email wherever and whenever. My pager rings 'round the clock! Say again? I was text messaging. Pull the plug, man!

"I'm afraid it's a bad case of libel!"

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

Welcome to your 7395 consecutive day of working on this case.

"Dad hasn't been the same since he went back to school."

"I never ask for a raise any more. I just hack into the boss's computer and give myself one."

'He's been driven mad by reading about all these huge litigation cases...'

'Notice how the TV goes dim when we stop pedalling!'

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

'Because I paid ten bucks for that lure, that's why.'

Great party - thanks.

"There was a time when only the rich went to university... now even they can't afford it."

"All the causes were taken."

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

"I'd like to lose 35%of me!"

Been Injured In An Accident That Wasn't Your Fault! Call...Wilbur & Ohnson.

No.1 best-selling book on college campuses - 'How to say 'send money' in 101 languages'.

'These are called cigarette butts: Humans throw them everywhere and they end up here!'

Personal Calorie Counter

'I said what I thought, then I apologized when I started losing advertisers. What does that make me?'

"We are getting an education, just not the one we paid for."

Hello. I'm in your neighborhood to raise awareness for