Quitting Crusader Gifts

'I've tried Nicotine Patches, but they won't stay lit.'

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

"Global warming, income inequalities, protests and COVID-19. Get up and do something! Help out already, now!!!"

Two Players both holding the same cue.

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

Nervous Student

'Congratulations! And please give your parents this receipt for $148 thousand.'

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

"Dad hasn't been the same since he went back to school."

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"I'm afraid it's a bad case of libel!"

Welcome to your 7395 consecutive day of working on this case.

'He's been driven mad by reading about all these huge litigation cases...'

"I never ask for a raise any more. I just hack into the boss's computer and give myself one."

'Notice how the TV goes dim when we stop pedalling!'

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

Great party - thanks.

"I'd like to lose 35%of me!"

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

Been Injured In An Accident That Wasn't Your Fault! Call...Wilbur & Ohnson.

'Because I paid ten bucks for that lure, that's why.'

"There was a time when only the rich went to university... now even they can't afford it."

"All the causes were taken."

No.1 best-selling book on college campuses - 'How to say 'send money' in 101 languages'.

'These are called cigarette butts: Humans throw them everywhere and they end up here!'

Personal Calorie Counter

"We are getting an education, just not the one we paid for."

"I'm doing this for you, my loves."

'I said what I thought, then I apologized when I started losing advertisers. What does that make me?'