Smoke-free Crusader Pillows

'These are called cigarette butts: Humans throw them everywhere and they end up here!'

The smoker

'Hang on a minute...are you over 18?'

Police Warning - Street unsuitable for children - smokers ahead.

America's Public (Health) Enemy #1

Man using to much bug spray

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

Ironing day.

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

"It would kill him to run a vacuum?"

Fumes from furniture

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

"If you think this is bad, you should see what they do to themselves"

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

DIY Butchers

House of Beans - No Smoking.

"It's a survival instinct...they know there's an underwater pipe pumping out untreated effluent somewhere around here."

"I could probably keep spring-cleaning till next winter."

'Mom, I cleaned my room like you told me.'

"Let me know when the floor is clean enough for me to put my feet on it again."

"You'll have to clean your room by yourself. Your plea for disaster aid has been turned down by the President."

'Oh no, green waxy build up.'

Cleaner

'Fuel efficiency? I get about three times around the block on a peanut butter sandwich.'

Air freshener - pollution.

Stop Smoking Program.

'How damp is this place? Let me put it this way: I use mold and mildew remover as a skin care product.'

"You can't smoke here but you can bring in a dirty old ash tray to smell."

Ballad of Offshore Drilling.

'We can't get enough of these makeover shows.'