Smoke-free Crusader Pillows

'These are called cigarette butts: Humans throw them everywhere and they end up here!'

The smoker

'Hang on a minute...are you over 18?'

Police Warning - Street unsuitable for children - smokers ahead.

America's Public (Health) Enemy #1

Man using to much bug spray

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

Ironing day.

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

What the heck is wrong with people? These leftovers are perfectly good – and #5 plastics go in the recycling bin!

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

"It would kill him to run a vacuum?"

Fumes from furniture

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

"If you think this is bad, you should see what they do to themselves"

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"It's a survival instinct...they know there's an underwater pipe pumping out untreated effluent somewhere around here."

DIY Butchers

"I don't CARE if Tracy Emin's bed sold for £4440,000...I STILL want you to clean your room."

House of Beans - No Smoking.

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

"I could probably keep spring-cleaning till next winter."

'Mom, I cleaned my room like you told me.'

"Let me know when the floor is clean enough for me to put my feet on it again."

'Fuel efficiency? I get about three times around the block on a peanut butter sandwich.'

Man of steel wool.

'Oh no, green waxy build up.'

Stop Smoking Program.

"You'll have to clean your room by yourself. Your plea for disaster aid has been turned down by the President."

Air freshener - pollution.

Cleaner