Quirky Voicemail Collector T-Shirts

'Click! I'm out right now.'

"Nuts to you, too."

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

Cat hunting in a cuckoo clock.

'Try his land line.'

First and last day as census taker...

Migrating Cuckoo Clock

Bell invents the telephone.

"I've traveled billions of light-years and visited countless planets. Earth is the only place I can't get a signal."

'This is a prerecorded message. Thank you for rubbing me. Please state your name and your wish. I will get back to you as soon as possible.'

"It's a Citroen Picasso..."

"In the olden days, people used payphones. Beats me how they took selfies!"

'No you do a great job. I'm letting you go because I don't like your cell phone ringtone.'

"No, you didn't wake me. I always sound like this."

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your son just isn't very smart."

"I just pick a new one each season. How else would you get a new Apple?"

Listenin' in

'I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to sell you that smart phone without first verifying your IQ.'

Wordilly Durdillies - Ringworm

'For deliveries press the hatch key.'

Life before mobile phones

'What in hell kind of a men's room is this?'

"I need a card that's heavy on caring but light on commitment."

'I though I'd developed tinnitus, then I remembered we still have a landline.'

Gone out your dinner's in the dog.

"Apparently, nobody thinks my 'coughing' ringtone is funny."

Clock and bird

You only do text. I do text AND voicemail.

'I'm calling you from my grandma's weird phone. She says they used to have leased phones, but I think she meant leashed.'

Beta finger app

'Oh - you're there! I was hoping I could just leave a message.'

'I found out what makes him tick, but he still won't tock.'

Death App

'...I'm marrying her mother...'

Mobile Crem