Quirky Conversation Collector T-Shirts

"You're fascinating, ….. and not at all birdlike."

'...I'm marrying her mother...'

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

'Did you just hear that? We are now and endangered species and mating is now our top priority!'

Funky Facts: Monkeys.

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'I see an applicant being hired!'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

The Month of June

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

First and last day as census taker...

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

"Trust me—sex sells."

"Norman, let's lend out the Olmec head."

'How do you get to Bingling Bros. circus?'

Think we knew each other in a past life, Randy? I don't believe in past lives. In fact, I don't believe in the past. Or the future I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight? ... Sorry, that's Randy's line #42. Reflex. Wait, let me write that down.

"My previous patient thought he was a cruise missile."

"Would you care for something to talk about during dinner?"

The social isolation of the entomologist...

Evolution...the modern-brush fox.

'Uh, nich tchotchkes, sir.'

I told you I lost it in the sun.

"It's windy outside. I better not hear you've been hanging out in the grocery store parking lot."

Cedric instantly regretted 'pumping up the jam...'

"Would you describe your gall as mitigated or unmitigated?"

Don't give up - Surrender.

Furniture faux pas: The coffee table coffin

"Sure my first quote was less. That was before I found the body in the wall."

"Don't stare at his massive claw. . . don't stare at his massive claw. . ."