Quirky Conversation Collector T-Shirts

"You're fascinating, ….. and not at all birdlike."

'...I'm marrying her mother...'

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

Funky Facts: Monkeys.

'Did you just hear that? We are now and endangered species and mating is now our top priority!'

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'I see an applicant being hired!'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

The Month of June

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

First and last day as census taker...

"Trust me—sex sells."

"My previous patient thought he was a cruise missile."

"Norman, let's lend out the Olmec head."

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

'How do you get to Bingling Bros. circus?'

"Would you care for something to talk about during dinner?"

The social isolation of the entomologist...

'Uh, nich tchotchkes, sir.'

Evolution...the modern-brush fox.

Furniture faux pas: The coffee table coffin

Don't give up - Surrender.

"It's windy outside. I better not hear you've been hanging out in the grocery store parking lot."

"Would you describe your gall as mitigated or unmitigated?"

Cedric instantly regretted 'pumping up the jam...'

"Sure my first quote was less. That was before I found the body in the wall."

'Should I have a baby after 35?' 'Isn't 35 children enough?'

"Don't stare at his massive claw. . . don't stare at his massive claw. . ."

'For best results, squeeze from the bottom.'