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"That's an interesting accent. What part of the primordial ooze are you from?"

"So, uh, your profile said you oil... what's that all about?"

Think we knew each other in a past life, Randy? I don't believe in past lives. In fact, I don't believe in the past. Or the future I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight? ... Sorry, that's Randy's line #42. Reflex. Wait, let me write that down.

Young man talking to a young lady.

'Can you play a Harp.'

The Man Who Couldn't Say "When."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Could I ask just one question?"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"I find it disturbing when you breathe through your nose."

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

Attention Span Man

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

'I just like tequila for the worm.'