Quirky Storytelling Gifts

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Don't editorialize."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

How I met your mother

Fishing.

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"Your article on the safe storage of combustibles is quite good, but I think you should leave out the part about the wicked witch setting you on fire."

E M Forster.

Indian snake charmer charms a snake.

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

"Just thought I'd let you know that the stars are in the exact same configuration as when Mary Shelley wrote 'Frankenstein'."

Nobody's reding our company blog,we need you to have sex with Mrs Miggins so that we can spice it up!

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

Hog Futures

Centaur falls in love.

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

'He said, but for you he wouldn't have stuck your credit card to the roof of his mouth in the first place...'

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

"Prepare yourself for a shock. The birth records reveal you have a twin brother."