Quirky Stock Picker Pillows

"You wouldn't believe how good they are. I'm making money on my asbestos and horseshoe stocks."

The day the stock market went UP.

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

Cheer up, you'll get your day.

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

'Stocks were high...then low...then suddenly high again on news of a new drug to treat mood swings...'

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

'Oh, just sitting around, waiting for the next computer generated trading bubble to burst, sending the market into death spiral.'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"I was doing pretty well in the stock market until I discovered there were laws."

Bank Stress Test

Animal worries.

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

"You should consider buying."

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses