Quirky Stock Picker T-Shirts

"You wouldn't believe how good they are. I'm making money on my asbestos and horseshoe stocks."

The day the stock market went UP.

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

Cheer up, you'll get your day.

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

'Stocks were high...then low...then suddenly high again on news of a new drug to treat mood swings...'

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

'Oh, just sitting around, waiting for the next computer generated trading bubble to burst, sending the market into death spiral.'

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"Why, Ed Dunlop! Didn't you used to be my chief stock picker?"

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

"You should consider buying."

Animal worries.

Bank Stress Test

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.