Stock Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"I was doing pretty well in the stock market until I discovered there were laws."

'Now that I have your attention...'

The day the stock market went UP.

British savings accounts

Loan Alley

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

Jumping Wall Street.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"At least we're consistent ... "

Cheer up, you'll get your day.

Out of control

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'Stocks were high...then low...then suddenly high again on news of a new drug to treat mood swings...'

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

The Decline of the Euro.

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'