Quirky Roommate Pillows

'I always assumed you were a cat person!'

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

Biofelineism

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

'This test doesn't understand me.'

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

'Are we broke yet?'

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

'Who gets the decaf?'

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work, I overslept.'

"Who ordered a pizza?"

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

"Much ado list"