Quirky Resume Creator Pillows

"Yours is a most impressive résumé, and you've scented it with beef."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

Blend Schools

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

Urine Catcher

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

"Humility is a virtue, but not on a resume."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

"When did you say you left school?"

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'We're looking for someone who either has a good background or can concoct a good story about one.'

'Why is your resume copyright protected by online-resumes.com?'

"I see by your resume, you don't stay in one place long."

'Your CV is a work of pure fiction...'