Quirky Remedy Seeker Pillows

'Before drinking, I always coat my stomach with butter.'

Lumbar support animal

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

Water power.

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

Odd Spas

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'I know it's cold up here, but you can't attain enlightenment wearing a hat like THAT.'

"You owe us more than your house is worth. One of our depositors will be moving in with you to help even things out."

'I'm screwed...'

The idea for tiny drink umbrellas is conceived.

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"Now just relax and leave everything to Doctor Jones here. He's the best there is in the entire medical field of quackupuncture."

Face painting vs bottom painting

"Very nice, but what's the thread count?"

"Vending machine is junk. For $1.00 I'll beat on it for you."

Natural relaxation in confinement

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

Air fresheners being pumped into the city's sewers.

'I've prescribed Anti-Depressants - you'll still be paranoid, but you'll be happily paranoid!'

'Who would like a little judo chop while you're waiting?'

More priceless words of encouragement from the old man.

Psychiatrist with phrenology chart, reads bumps on head.

"I was going to give him accupunture, but on second thoughts..."

"Take him home, have sex...Then bite his goddamn head off."

"How about wearing heavier shoes?"

"I had trouble opening the child-proof cap."

This might sting a little.

Fakir on bed of nails reads an 'Acupuncture' book.

"Stop the barking .50"

'I've done it! A cold tablet that tastes like chicken soup!'