Quirky Quoter Prints

"You've got termites."

'Why don't you get Tommy to help you carry that?' 'He's inside there carrying the clothes.'

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'

"As your advertising agency I recommend a cow as a mascot for you hockey team. Because cows do not have upper teeth."

Funky Facts: Football.

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

'Is the water cold?'

"What would you like me to play next?"

Ostrich Curoisities

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"I can never go metric. 'Al's 30.48 Centimeter Hot Dogs' just doesn't sound right."

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

The Month of June

'I'm typecast!'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

"Trust me—sex sells."

You are the 1 I settled 3

'Don't be silly - I love you for your body AND your tiny little brain!'

Upside down question mark hanging from fishing line.

Great mouser!

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

"I was born an urban bird and I'll die an urban bird."

Don't give up - Surrender.