Quirky Priority Admirer T-Shirts

'Please, just wipe my mind not my posh accent!'

Lactose Intolerant

"Our bond is stronger because we chose each other."

Book Me!

"Herb's from Texas."

He'll never melt. I made him from fast food milkshakes.

Clydesdale never misses a beat.

'First, let me apologize for suggesting you throw horseshoes as therapy.'

"Ooh, this one sounds interesting, 'Single, vegetarian, bulbous, with moves like a lava lamp.'"

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"You know that thing where you stand like a statue, then move real fast, then stand like a statue again? You totally stole that from me."

Welcome centre

'Remember, Harvey, the salesman said to not stay in the hot tub too long.'

'Of course it's efficient - it's a flowchart.'

'Well, Dear, if you must roam about the house dressed as a chicken, that's fine, but please close the drapes when you do!'

"That tie, Merrick. It's not your friend."

Gravestone Epitaph - 'One surreal gag too far.'

Old lady posts adverts for fur gloves over poster of a lost cat,

"You paid to have a grain of sand named after me? You're such an idiot."

'I know we asked for a room with running water,but...'

Frank Gehry's backyard

Eye Pod

optician

"I don't think the new guy is working out."

'Elevator'

It's the thought that counts: Totally useless gifts.

"Damn it, Eddie! Not during the getaway, too!"

Giant Cat in the Sky

Missing persons - "So he was due back yesterday after going out for a paper twelve months ago."

Weasal

"That explains your percentage of bat DNA."

"The tests confirmed my suspicions, Mr. White. In the past few months, you've developed a small but apparently harmless cult following."

Victimless crime support.

'I can't afford a season ticket and clothes.'

"Dylan needs a classroom where I don't have to talk to any of the other mothers."