Quirky Plant Conversationalist T-Shirts

'I think you've talked it to death, dear.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

Bonsai tree held up by matchstick

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'So much for talking to plants. I distinctly heard it tell me to shut up!'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

"Of course working from home is different. . ."

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"Hey, do you want to be in my bubble?"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Develop your social skills. Share information about yourself so people will want to talk to you." "I like to dissect animals."

"Is your regret that there were three of them or that they were blind?"

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."