Quirky News Fan Pillows

Grim reaper watching a dead TV report.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

Introducing...Anagraman.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

'Check out the old dude.'

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"Got any bathtub gin?"

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

The Pencil and Sharpener

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

Hot cross buns

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

"Hold on... did you mean to hit Snooze or Jazz?"

Mouse with a cat cake.

An Extraordinary Pointer

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

'...And the best he can do is a bunch of gophers?'