Quirky Love Pillows

"I don't care if she is a tape dispenser. I love her."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

Carbon Dating.

"I love you, you big fool."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

Astral Projection

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'I know how much you like holding hands, so I brought you a box of them..'

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

'Can I have flies with that'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

He was a nerd. But he was her nerd.

He wanted a different one.

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"I have such strong feelers for you."

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

Updated fairy tales - "Cinderella." Dating Service. It's not often we get a client looking for a specific shoe size.

"Leon, do you think it's all psychological?"

"Don't be a sentimental fool, Harker!"

Toenail clipping missile.

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!

Litter Tray Stonehenge

"Barnes is morphing into some kind of strange creature. I warned him about eating out of the vending machines."